i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
