that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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