The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
