Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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