I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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