All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
