She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
