mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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