his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
