I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
