I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
