I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
