Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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