i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
