Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
