I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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