there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
