Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
im six kinds of drunk right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's get the cat blown out
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
