Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
