I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
