It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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