dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
