can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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