Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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