JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
