Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
