If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
