I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
