Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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