I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
