whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
