The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
