we're blogging at a bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
