Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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