everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
