handjob tips. give me some.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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