I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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