Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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