I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
