He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
