She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
