I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm at about main and main street
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
