your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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