so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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