it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You need a sexual gate keeper
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
