***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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