I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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