Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
