I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
