wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
