I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
