if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
