I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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